Day 20: Restoring Broken Fellowship

I hate to sound like a broken record but, Friday's that I work are just not fun for me. By the time I get home at 7pm, I've worked 16.5hrs, and driven 4hrs since 3pm Thursday. I am ready for bed. But today is day 20. The mid point of the book. No stopping now. Besides, today's chapter really made me think. It hit home on some levels, and gave me a lot to think about in my relationships with other people in my life.

When a relationship with someone I know ends, I tend to write them off. If it ends badly, there's a good chance I may never speak of them again. Thankfully in my church life, that hasn't happened yet. I looked at this chapter thinking about if I've let any Christian friends go that I shouldn't have. Did I end a relationship that God had ordained? Luckily, no name jumped out at me.

But still, there is an entire chapter of advice that I need to take when the next conflict arises in my life. God wants us to be known by our love for each other, but if I am in conflict with my fellow Christians I'm not a very good model of Christianity. So, I must do what is necessary to resolve the conflicts that arise as quickly as possible. God put the utmost importance on it when He told us that we should resolve conflict with our brothers even before we enter into worshiping Him.

The first person I need to talk to when I'm having a problem with someone else is God. I'm not good at this. I usually don't talk to anyone, I just internalize it all. That's bad practice on two levels, not talking to God, and not talking to the person I am in conflict with. Maybe they don't even know we're in conflict they said something that I took offense to and I walked off. But they didn't know I was offended, and now, they can't even work at repairing the relationship either.

As Christians, we're expected to make the first move toward reconciliation. That's hard for me. I want to just avoid the person or the situation altogether. Maybe it will go away, or fix itself. Maybe they will come to me and admit they were wrong. That's not what God wants though. What God wants is (drum roll please . . .) contrary to what the world expects.

God wants us to admit that we are at fault too. One person can not have a conflict. When there is conflict, each person involved played a role. Wait, no. I didn't do anything! It's all your fault. But John tells us that anyone who says they have not sinned is calling God a liar. I have to admit that I played a part in any conflict I am in. And then I have to go do my least favorite thing. I have to go listen to the person I am in conflict with.

I tell my kids "You have two ears and one mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you talk." Yet, I don't follow that advice myself. Well, actually I do, if I don't talk then I don't have to listen even twice as much. And just like yesterday when I had to admit that I was annoying so that I could extend grace to you about annoying me. . . I need to admit that your feelings are just as valid as my own.

I guess my biggest problem in this chapter is that conflict is a problem and problems require solutions. It's in my nature. I've told my wife "tell your girlfriend if you have a problem that you don't want a solution to", because I can't help myself. I'm not good at just listening and sympathizing with people, without thinking 'how would I solve this?'.

God expects unity, not uniformity and we can walk arm in arm without seeing eye to eye on every issue That is what I needed to hear most. It's what I need to live most!

Paul, writing to the Romans, tells us:

Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody
Rom 12:18 (TEV)

Today's question was one I couldn't answer.Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today? Hopefully as I think on this more, and maybe talk to my mentor and pastor, they can help me see what I know I'm missing. Because I don't believe that I am not in conflict with anyone at all right now.

Remember: Relationships are always worth restoring.

Day 19: Cultivating Community

I’ll be honest, when I started reading this chapter, I wasn’t getting it. What can I do in a community? It seemed like much of it was the same as the chapter on fellowship. Community, that’s like a whole bunch of people who live in the same area, isn’t it? But then I read a little further, this is about the verb, not the noun. It’s about the relationship emotionally and spiritually with the people around you, not the physical proximity.

It takes both God’s power and our effort to produce a loving Christian community. Why? Because it requires us to do things that are counter-intuitive to the way the world has made us.

News flash: I’m not always honest with people. “Fine” is the text book response to “How are things going?” But often nothing in my life is fine. And it’s not that I don’t trust you, I just always feel that someone asking that question doesn’t really want to know the tiny or big things that are making my day “OK” or “Not so good”. And sometimes they are minute, the dog pooped on the carpet again, the twins can’t seem to get along, I over cooked the pizza and it curled up in the oven. Sometimes not so minute, I said something I regret, I intentionally hurt someone, I did something stupid that I shouldn’t have. So I say “I’m fine, everything is good.”

My family deserves my honesty, and I deserve theirs. My family should be able to say to me: “John, I’ve been watching you lately and things aren’t fine.” It’s better for me, and I’m really good about opening up when the question is repeated. If you’ll accept “Fine” as an answer when you ask someone that question, you’re not being a true friend. You’re letting them lie to you and to themselves. When you lie to others, you lie to yourself. (Eph 4:25) Ask them again and be sincere. Get real with someone, be honest, and call them on their bluff. You’ll be surprised at what a difference it can make in someone’s day; in their life.

News flash: Pride blocks God’s grace in our lives. I’m not proud, but I’m not good at being humble either. It ties in with my passive aggressive behavior. I don’t have a lot of qualities to be proud of by the worlds standards. I’m not wealthy, strikingly handsome, well built, or educated. I’m proud of my family, of my wife and how she’s grown in Christ. Proud of my kids, when people tell me how thoughtful and polite and adorable they are. I’m proud of myself for having committed to this blog and stuck with it for 19 days and counting.

I am humble in Christ, and with other Christians. I know the depths of my sin so how can I put myself above anyone. My Pastor models that behavior for me and over the past 3 years of watching him live what he preaches, it’s wearing off on me. I have said repeatedly in the blog that I am a sinner. Just as becoming a Christian didn’t make me sinless, it made me sin less; humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. Think of others needs before your own wants, because others needs are Christ’s needs. But, I don’t want you to think that means you let people walk all over you either.

News flash: We all have quirks and annoying traits. I bet you have a pet peeve. If you’re like me you have more than one. Maybe it’s people who don’t signal when changing lanes, maybe it’s people who chew with their mouth open, maybe you know someone like I do who “text talks”. (They actually say “idk”, “rofl”, and “lol”) It’s annoying.

I’m easily distracted I can’t keep eye contact with someone for more than a few seconds at a time. I catch myself all the time. When I meet with clients, I have to turn my phone off because if I forget and it buzzes, I’m gonna look at it. And that’s rude, and I know it, and I try not to, but I’m human. So, if I go back to Honesty and Humility and admit that I am annoying I can bring myself to overlook the things I find annoying in other people. (Except text talking, I will call you on that in a heartbeat, so don’t do it. Lol)

There’s another thing that makes a small group a community: confidence. Not like “I know you can do it!” Confidence like “You can trust me.” And you know what, you can trust me. I have had trust issues in the past. If I say this to this person, they’ll tell someone they trust, who will tell someone they trust, until the person I really didn’t want to know has found out. But in my current fellowship that hasn’t been an issue. What happens in group stays in group. Some people don’t see that right away, trusting other people to maintain that confidence is a step taken in the dark. But once I could trust people, my burdens became a whole lot less. And if you’re thinking right now that over the past 19 days I haven’t really shared any ‘dirt’; two things are wrong there. This is the internet, not just a small group, and your reason for following this blog is all wrong. It’s not about me, it’s about Him. If I’m non-specific and trivial and make jokes about Patriot fans, and people who chew with their mouth open, God will still get His message to the people who need to hear it.

News flash: Rome wasn’t built in a day. Bet you’ve heard that before. How about if it’s worth having, it’s worth waiting for? How about “All you need is Love”? Wait, what? Well, if you’ve been paying attention, the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E. To truly be part of a Christian community, it’s going to take a commitment and a sacrifice. The one thing God does still want from us in sacrifice is our time. It’s not about how you want to spend your time; it’s about making a commitment to spend part of it in fellowship with other Christians. You’ve got a set amount of time here and you don’t know when it’s up. God deserves your time and you give God your time not just by studying His Word, but by acting on it.

The Bible verse is the most advertised verse in history, it appears on more TV screens during sporting events and rallies than any Nike, or Gillette commercial.

We understand what love is when we realize that Christ gave His life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers.
John 3:16 (GWT)

That verse has confused a lot of people too. Christ gave His life for us on the cross, so I have to die for another Christian? No, Christ gave His life for us when He left His father’s side and said He would be the payment required for our sins. Not when He died on the cross at age 33, when He left the comfort of Heaven to live among us as one of us. Die to your comfort for other Christians, approach a stranger, let the spirit lead you; give someone who needs it this book when you’re done with it.

The question is: How can I help cultivate today the characteristics of real community in my small group and at my church? I’m not in a small group yet, except with you readers. I hope that I have been cultivating the right characteristics on this blog. I hope that I have been humble; I've been honest (even if I've held some stuff back); I’ve definitely made the commitment of time. I can’t wait for the opportunity to do this in a face to face setting with a few of my brothers in Christ.

Remember: Community requires commitment.

Day 18: Experiencing Life Together

Are you familiar with the Lord of the Ring series of books? A group of different races come together with one common goal. They become known as The Fellowship of the Ring. That's kind of what we are called to do as Christians. Get into small groups and fellowship. The Fellowship of the Choir, the Fellowship of Moving, The Fellowship of the Child Care. Things like that take place at my church. Of course we don't call them those things, but you get the idea, different people with a shared goal.

But what does 'fellowship' really mean. A fellow is a comrade or associate, a peer or an equal, another person like me. A ship well, that's a big boat. So fellowship must have to do with a bunch of people, maybe Russians, on a ship right? I thought that was the Navy. Been there, done that. I had fellowship with shipmates, all 5000 of them.

But when I was in the Navy, I didn't call it fellowship, I think I knew the difference between 'fellowship' and 'friendship'. Friendship can be had without fellowship, but you can't fellowship without friendship. According to my facebook, I have 243 friends, but I don't have fellowship with all of them. Fellowship is about closeness, and 243 people can't all be close. In fellowship, size matters, and smaller is better.

Jesus spent three years in fellowship with twelve other people. Sure, He preached to hundreds,and fed 5000, but He invested the most of His time into His Disciples. They were the original Fellowship of the King.

Fellowship is about sharing more than food, or idle conversations about the weather, or even a Sunday service. I don't fellowship on Sunday with the 300 other people who attend my church, I go there to be fed His Word. Fellowship with me happens during the week when I get to meet with other believers in small groups. Sadly, my shift schedule makes it hard for me to fellowship, but I think I'm finding ways to make it happen anyway.

I need fellowship; it helps me be a better Christian. That real connection that comes from being open and honest with another person the author calls 'Authenticity'. Being real. It's hard to "keep it real" in large groups. In a large group, we can blend in and hide our flaws, but there's no hiding in fellowship. I need to be accepted for who I am, a broken, sinning, Child of Christ. It needs to be genuine and if I haven't been honest with who I am to others, their acceptance of me becomes worthless. I said it the other day, all of my 243 facebook friends don't 'know' me.

I need fellowship for the give and take. Not about stuff, I need the give and take of accountability, responsibility, and encouragement. This again comes from openness and honesty. I can't say that I smoke (which I don't) and then tell the people I'm in fellowship with that I'm quitting and need their support. I need to tell them what I really struggle with and have them hold me accountable, everyday if necessary. I need to be responsible to them if I say I'm going to meet them, or do something, and I need to encourage them as they encourage me. Paul's said "your faith will help me, and mine with help you."

I love the image the author paints. In times of deep crisis, grief and doubt, when our faith falters we need believing friends the most. Within fellowship, our friends have faith 'for' us. When we are broken to the point that we can't feel God, that our world is crashing down, it's nice to have friends who we know and that we can see and feel. When God seems distant to me, I can always look to my friend and mentor Tom, and see Him there. That fellowship keeps God real in my life. In fellowship with others, I can share in their pain, which divides it, and their happiness, which multiplies it.

In fellowship I find mercy, not judgment. I've spoken on stage at Church before. I've opened up about personal things in front of 150 or more people. When I was up there, I couldn't help but think about who was judging me. Were people who never struggled with what I was struggling with now thinking less of me? Had I ruined my 'image' as a Christian who has it all together?(not that for one second I ever felt that I projected that image.) It's hard to know what 150 people are thinking. But in small groups, in fellowship you know.

I've opened up about some really personal stuff in fellowship and never once felt judged. When you tell someone what your biggest sin is, and they wrap you in a huge bear hug, that is love, that is mercy, that is God. It is not judgment.

The main thing I took away from this chapter was the line "You will never be asked to forgive someone else more than God has already forgiven you. I know, that the whole chapter was about fellowship and the grace and forgiveness just a small portion at the end, but without forgiveness and grace for one another, there can be no fellowship.

I've been there, maybe you're there now. I've backslid, fallen off the wagon, whatever you want to call it. I'm getting back up. I'm getting back into fellowship. I'm admitting what I've done and asking for that forgiveness and grace. How about you?

From the Book of Galatians the Bible tells us

Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.
Gal 6:2 (NLT)

What better advice could there be? In the real world, you know it's easier to carry a heavy object with a few other people. Obviously 243 people can't all help move a grand piano, but 12 could. So why do so many of us insist on carrying our spiritual baggage alone? Stop it! We are commanded by God to share these burdens with others and help others with their burdens.

The question for today is: What one step can I take today to connect with another believer at a more genuine, heart-to-heart level? I think that true connection comes from intimate contact. Today, I will call another believer and talk to them about their day. Not text them, facebook them, or shoot them an e-mail, today I will make REAL CONTACT. Although, I will take Pastor Mike's example and text a few others some encouragement. But there's someone I need to call right now.

Remember:I need others in my life.

Day 17: A Place to Belong

The Lord knew exactly what he was doing when He led Rick Warren to write this book. He put the chapter that would knock me back the most, right before the one that makes me smile. This chapter is about belonging to a church family, and boy do I! I'm not gonna quote a lot, or even write a lot. And it's all coming out fast. There's a reason for that too, let me explain.

I have an interview in about 14 hours, less by the time you read this. It's for a promotion at work, one slot open, like 20 people applied. The interview will be on stuff that I know, but haven't worked on in a while. I need to brush up on some facts and technical stuff. But the other day, the devil heard me say something, and now he's working hard to make it happen. I said 'If I don't blog, then I won't continue reading the book.' I know me, that's a safe assumption. Because of my work schedule, I have very little free time. I can read at work, but I can't blog from there. It's just not the right atmosphere. And my breaks are short anyway.

So, the devil has been trying to find a way to get me to not blog. Our mini van broke down last night, our mechanic is out of town, and what needs to be done, I can do. But because of the interview, I can't miss work. In the morning, before my interview, I have to get over to the auto parts store, buy an alternator if the one I have installed isn't still under warranty, and put it in the van. Then I have a meeting with my pastor about leading a group through this book, then work, then my interview, then more work. But the blog is important so it takes priority over my sleep.

We were made to be part of a church family. I said it yesterday, I have an extended family where I live through my church. I love that I have people there to talk to about God. My church family is a melting pot of different people and personalities. The pastors are two of the most open and honest people I've ever met and I have never been involved with a church that has so many outreach ministries in the community. I wear my Lifecoast Church shirt proudly like a badge.

When I have problems, my church family is there for me. When I was 800 miles from home and my wife had problems, our church family was there for her. Tonight when our van broke down, she got some help from one of my mentors. That's what families do for each other. I started out in the choir at church, now I've moved on to helping with the sound, and I have been in a few dramatic presentations. I am definitely active in the body, and so is my wife.

Our church is a body, not a building, and organism not an organization; it's alive and filled with life. (No that's not redundant.) I may add more to this later, but for now just thought I'd let you know that when it comes to belonging to a family of believers, I'm good. How about you?

The Bible verse is from the Book of Romans.

so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
Rom 12:5

The question to day was so much more uplifting for me than yesterday. Yesterday I felt like a failure, today I feel great. Does my level of involvement is my local church demonstrate that I love and am committed to God's family? YES it does. I can't think of I time I've ever been more committed to anything.

Remember:I am called to belong, not just believe.

Day 16: What Matters Most

What can I say? This chapter struck a very deep chord within me. Of all the stuff we've covered previously, I think this is where I'm having the most trouble. It's an area where you could say, I get, but I just don't get it.

Life is all about love.
I get that. I know that God is love and through His great love I am forgiven for my sins and made complete in Him. God spends time with me. He thinks about me every day. When I need Him, He is there. Jesus commands us to love others like we love ourselves. I still don't know that I'm doing that. On some days, I feel like I love others more than myself, and other days I seriously wish there were no people.

But how can I show God that I understand Him and deserve a place in His kingdom if I can't get the heart of who He is? Our souls are eternal, so are Faith, Hope, and Love. And those three things are hard to have in the material world sometimes. And this really runs close to my service yesterday, God wants me to love everyone. Even Patriot fans! It is how people will know that I am His. If we love like Jesus loved than we can say of our enemies "forgive them because they know not what they do". Jesus forgave the people who crucified Him. I believe when I get to Heaven I will meet the Centurion who praised God and said of Jesus 'surely this was a righteous man' (Luke 23:47 NIV)

Life without love is really worthless.
I think I have love in my life, my wife and kids love me, my parents and siblings, and my friends from church. And I love them too. But this statement is about the quality of that love. That love should be my number one priority. Not being loved, but loving others! And I show that I love others by acts, the things I do for them, and by the time I spend with them.

I'm good with doing things for people, in fact, I probably do more for people outside these four walls than inside them. That's what made this chapter so hard, I love my family, and want to provide them with everything they need, but I constantly miss chances to spend time with them. I don't know why I do it, maybe I'm afraid that I can't relate to them, I don't understand all the pokemon, bakugan, and other things my kids are interested in. I've tried.

Also, I'm bad to begin with about time management. I've got so many things that I need and want to get done, that people take a back burner. It's not just in my house, everywhere in my life I put the things that I'm doing before the people I'm doing them for. I'm great at solving problems, and attacking tasks, and also at just zoning out unfortunately. I get overwhelmed by the stuff that needs to happen and I shut down. That doesn't make for healthy happy homes.

I still feel guilty about this blog because it's hours I can spend doing other stuff. I hate feeling like that, but I don't want to give up on my commitment. If I stop blogging, I know I'll stop reading and these last 15 days, I've seen changes in my thought patterns, in the things I've been doing, and how I've been acting. There's more great things to come if I stick it out.

But, if when I get to Heaven I'm going to be evaluated on my love, and the best expression of love is time, and the best time to love is now, then I've got to get going. I can't wait another day to figure it out.

The Bible verse is from Galatians. Another letter sent to encourage and educate other believers.

The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Gal 5:14 (NIV)

Today's question I have to answer and then work to change the answer. Honestly, are relationships my first priority? How can I ensure that they are? Honestly, they are not. I need to spend more time with the people I love, and show them I love them by giving them something I can never get back. . . my time.

Remember: Life is all about love.

Day 15: Formed for God's Family

UGGGGH. I was half way through my blog, and now it's gone. I don't know what happened, it auto saves as I type. Teresa had a good idea that I write in word, and then paste it into the blog. I'm gonna start doing that, and then just add the html stuff once I get all the text in. But even disappearing blogs won't get me down. :pppp Satan, I'll just start over and this one will rock even harder!

I LOVE Sundays. Today was an extra special Sunday, because after Church, we went to the beach with our Church family. My wife and I don't have any relatives near by. At least not in the way most people think of relatives. Relatives like mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers are united by a common bond, be it blood or marriage. But we have another family in Christ. And you know what, that bond is a bond of Marriage and Blood. The church is the 'bride' of Christ, that analogy is used throughout the Bible, and the Blood of Christ, washes us clean from our sin. I may not have family like you know them, but I have a town full of brothers and sisters in Christ. We have a family reunion once a week, and you're welcome to join me anytime you're in town.

As an infant, I was baptized in a Roman Catholic traditional ceremony. It was supposed to let the world know that I belonged to Christ. But baptism is a declaration of faith in Jesus Christ, I didn't have faith at that age. Like I said, it was symbolic. A few years ago, I was re-baptized in the Atlantic Ocean, and just like when I was an infant it was in front of my whole family. My new family! God's family.

That is better than anything you can imagine. I remember as a kid watching Saturday morning cartoons. There was one "Richie Rich", and it was about a little boy who had, as the saying goes, more money than God. (Then again, God's not interested in money.) That boy had everything on earth you can dream of. But being part of God's family has much greater benefits. My inheritance from God is twofold, on Earth and in Heaven. On Earth I receive the riches of His grace, kindness, patience, glory wisdom, power, and mercy. In Heaven, I will be in God's presence forever, I will be changed to be like Christ, I will be freed from pain, death, and suffering, I will be rewarded and reassigned a position of service, and will get to share in Christ's Glory. Richie Rich couldn't buy that!

Sometimes I don't feel like I belong in God's family. I've talked to a few people about how I feel like an usher. I can take people into God's theater, lead them to their seats, and then go back outside and wait. God is Holy and I am dust. But the good news is that Jesus makes me Holy. God is proud of me. He has been waiting for me to be a part of His family forever. He even calls my next place "home". In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. John 14:2(NIV) I don't know about you, but I can't wait!

The Bible verse comes from the Book of Ephesians. Paul wrote this book to encourage the people of Ephesus.

His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ
Eph 1:5a(NLT)

Today's question: How can I start treating other believers like members of my own family? I should be warm and welcoming to other believers, hug them, show them kindness even when I'm not feeling it, and love them like Jets fans even if they are wearing Orange and Teal.

Remember:I was formed for God's Family

Week 2: You were planned for God's Pleasure

It's review/summary time again. I apologize for not getting this posted last night. Hopefully you'll forgive me. Again, these are discussion questions so if you want, we can discuss where your answers may differ from my own.

How is "living your whole life for God's pleasure" different from the way most people understand worship? I was brought up believing that worship took place on Sunday in church, or when good things happen. Living for God's pleasure means EVERYTHING I do is done to make Him smile, not me. Oh but how His smile makes me glad!

How is a friendship with God similar to any other friendship, and how is it different? I have to get to know God, spend time with Him and build the friendship, that's the same, but God won't adjust who He is for me. Sometimes with people you become friends and change each other, they start listening to rock and roll, you find yourself enjoying NASCAR. GOD is my friend, but He is UNCHANGING and He is NOT MY EQUAL.

Share something you learned from a time when God seemed distantI skipped this one and fought with the answer that I wanted to write and what is coming out instead. I learned that when God seems distant, that it's something I've done, or have to do. Sometimes He leaves me alone to see where I will turn for comfort. I've learned from events in my past, that He loves me and He was with me through every bad experience whispering, "I am here", "I have great things planned for you", "Trust in me." Quiet your mind in the midst of trouble, I bet He is telling you the same thing.

Which is easier for you -Public or Private worship? In which do you usually feel closer to God? Private worship is more difficult for me to do, but public worship comes naturally when I am around other believers worshiping. I feel closer to Him when I am in His body.

When is it appropriate to express anger at God?When I am hurt it is okay to express my anger. But my anger has to be expressed respectfully, if I am obedient to His will, then although I may be angry with a situation God has put me in, I should not be mad AT Him.

What fears surface when you think of surrendering your complete lie to Christ? That I will have to quit my job and move my whole family to be where God wants me to serve Him.