Day 19: Cultivating Community

I’ll be honest, when I started reading this chapter, I wasn’t getting it. What can I do in a community? It seemed like much of it was the same as the chapter on fellowship. Community, that’s like a whole bunch of people who live in the same area, isn’t it? But then I read a little further, this is about the verb, not the noun. It’s about the relationship emotionally and spiritually with the people around you, not the physical proximity.

It takes both God’s power and our effort to produce a loving Christian community. Why? Because it requires us to do things that are counter-intuitive to the way the world has made us.

News flash: I’m not always honest with people. “Fine” is the text book response to “How are things going?” But often nothing in my life is fine. And it’s not that I don’t trust you, I just always feel that someone asking that question doesn’t really want to know the tiny or big things that are making my day “OK” or “Not so good”. And sometimes they are minute, the dog pooped on the carpet again, the twins can’t seem to get along, I over cooked the pizza and it curled up in the oven. Sometimes not so minute, I said something I regret, I intentionally hurt someone, I did something stupid that I shouldn’t have. So I say “I’m fine, everything is good.”

My family deserves my honesty, and I deserve theirs. My family should be able to say to me: “John, I’ve been watching you lately and things aren’t fine.” It’s better for me, and I’m really good about opening up when the question is repeated. If you’ll accept “Fine” as an answer when you ask someone that question, you’re not being a true friend. You’re letting them lie to you and to themselves. When you lie to others, you lie to yourself. (Eph 4:25) Ask them again and be sincere. Get real with someone, be honest, and call them on their bluff. You’ll be surprised at what a difference it can make in someone’s day; in their life.

News flash: Pride blocks God’s grace in our lives. I’m not proud, but I’m not good at being humble either. It ties in with my passive aggressive behavior. I don’t have a lot of qualities to be proud of by the worlds standards. I’m not wealthy, strikingly handsome, well built, or educated. I’m proud of my family, of my wife and how she’s grown in Christ. Proud of my kids, when people tell me how thoughtful and polite and adorable they are. I’m proud of myself for having committed to this blog and stuck with it for 19 days and counting.

I am humble in Christ, and with other Christians. I know the depths of my sin so how can I put myself above anyone. My Pastor models that behavior for me and over the past 3 years of watching him live what he preaches, it’s wearing off on me. I have said repeatedly in the blog that I am a sinner. Just as becoming a Christian didn’t make me sinless, it made me sin less; humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. Think of others needs before your own wants, because others needs are Christ’s needs. But, I don’t want you to think that means you let people walk all over you either.

News flash: We all have quirks and annoying traits. I bet you have a pet peeve. If you’re like me you have more than one. Maybe it’s people who don’t signal when changing lanes, maybe it’s people who chew with their mouth open, maybe you know someone like I do who “text talks”. (They actually say “idk”, “rofl”, and “lol”) It’s annoying.

I’m easily distracted I can’t keep eye contact with someone for more than a few seconds at a time. I catch myself all the time. When I meet with clients, I have to turn my phone off because if I forget and it buzzes, I’m gonna look at it. And that’s rude, and I know it, and I try not to, but I’m human. So, if I go back to Honesty and Humility and admit that I am annoying I can bring myself to overlook the things I find annoying in other people. (Except text talking, I will call you on that in a heartbeat, so don’t do it. Lol)

There’s another thing that makes a small group a community: confidence. Not like “I know you can do it!” Confidence like “You can trust me.” And you know what, you can trust me. I have had trust issues in the past. If I say this to this person, they’ll tell someone they trust, who will tell someone they trust, until the person I really didn’t want to know has found out. But in my current fellowship that hasn’t been an issue. What happens in group stays in group. Some people don’t see that right away, trusting other people to maintain that confidence is a step taken in the dark. But once I could trust people, my burdens became a whole lot less. And if you’re thinking right now that over the past 19 days I haven’t really shared any ‘dirt’; two things are wrong there. This is the internet, not just a small group, and your reason for following this blog is all wrong. It’s not about me, it’s about Him. If I’m non-specific and trivial and make jokes about Patriot fans, and people who chew with their mouth open, God will still get His message to the people who need to hear it.

News flash: Rome wasn’t built in a day. Bet you’ve heard that before. How about if it’s worth having, it’s worth waiting for? How about “All you need is Love”? Wait, what? Well, if you’ve been paying attention, the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E. To truly be part of a Christian community, it’s going to take a commitment and a sacrifice. The one thing God does still want from us in sacrifice is our time. It’s not about how you want to spend your time; it’s about making a commitment to spend part of it in fellowship with other Christians. You’ve got a set amount of time here and you don’t know when it’s up. God deserves your time and you give God your time not just by studying His Word, but by acting on it.

The Bible verse is the most advertised verse in history, it appears on more TV screens during sporting events and rallies than any Nike, or Gillette commercial.

We understand what love is when we realize that Christ gave His life for us. That means we must give our lives for other believers.
John 3:16 (GWT)

That verse has confused a lot of people too. Christ gave His life for us on the cross, so I have to die for another Christian? No, Christ gave His life for us when He left His father’s side and said He would be the payment required for our sins. Not when He died on the cross at age 33, when He left the comfort of Heaven to live among us as one of us. Die to your comfort for other Christians, approach a stranger, let the spirit lead you; give someone who needs it this book when you’re done with it.

The question is: How can I help cultivate today the characteristics of real community in my small group and at my church? I’m not in a small group yet, except with you readers. I hope that I have been cultivating the right characteristics on this blog. I hope that I have been humble; I've been honest (even if I've held some stuff back); I’ve definitely made the commitment of time. I can’t wait for the opportunity to do this in a face to face setting with a few of my brothers in Christ.

Remember: Community requires commitment.