When a relationship with someone I know ends, I tend to write them off. If it ends badly, there's a good chance I may never speak of them again. Thankfully in my church life, that hasn't happened yet. I looked at this chapter thinking about if I've let any Christian friends go that I shouldn't have. Did I end a relationship that God had ordained? Luckily, no name jumped out at me.
But still, there is an entire chapter of advice that I need to take when the next conflict arises in my life. God wants us to be known by our love for each other, but if I am in conflict with my fellow Christians I'm not a very good model of Christianity. So, I must do what is necessary to resolve the conflicts that arise as quickly as possible. God put the utmost importance on it when He told us that we should resolve conflict with our brothers even before we enter into worshiping Him.
The first person I need to talk to when I'm having a problem with someone else is God. I'm not good at this. I usually don't talk to anyone, I just internalize it all. That's bad practice on two levels, not talking to God, and not talking to the person I am in conflict with. Maybe they don't even know we're in conflict they said something that I took offense to and I walked off. But they didn't know I was offended, and now, they can't even work at repairing the relationship either.
As Christians, we're expected to make the first move toward reconciliation. That's hard for me. I want to just avoid the person or the situation altogether. Maybe it will go away, or fix itself. Maybe they will come to me and admit they were wrong. That's not what God wants though. What God wants is (drum roll please . . .) contrary to what the world expects.
God wants us to admit that we are at fault too. One person can not have a conflict. When there is conflict, each person involved played a role. Wait, no. I didn't do anything! It's all your fault. But John tells us that anyone who says they have not sinned is calling God a liar. I have to admit that I played a part in any conflict I am in. And then I have to go do my least favorite thing. I have to go listen to the person I am in conflict with.
I tell my kids "You have two ears and one mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you talk." Yet, I don't follow that advice myself. Well, actually I do, if I don't talk then I don't have to listen even twice as much. And just like yesterday when I had to admit that I was annoying so that I could extend grace to you about annoying me. . . I need to admit that your feelings are just as valid as my own.
I guess my biggest problem in this chapter is that conflict is a problem and problems require solutions. It's in my nature. I've told my wife "tell your girlfriend if you have a problem that you don't want a solution to", because I can't help myself. I'm not good at just listening and sympathizing with people, without thinking 'how would I solve this?'.
God expects unity, not uniformity and we can walk arm in arm without seeing eye to eye on every issue That is what I needed to hear most. It's what I need to live most!
Paul, writing to the Romans, tells us:
Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybodyToday's question was one I couldn't answer.Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today? Hopefully as I think on this more, and maybe talk to my mentor and pastor, they can help me see what I know I'm missing. Because I don't believe that I am not in conflict with anyone at all right now.
Rom 12:18 (TEV)
Remember: Relationships are always worth restoring.
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