I have been tested in the past. I don’t believe I have an early memory that is not centered on some sort of trouble. I’ve seen pictures of me as a happy child, but I don’t have those memories in my head. In the past I was bitter over the things that happened to me. I was depressed over the things I had done. There was no rest for me before I reacquainted myself with the Lord. I was consumed by hate over the things done to me, and consumed by shame over the things I had done. But Jesus told me to cast my burdens onto Him, and things started improving.
The Accuser of Man stands before God and I will be tested again. I know that I am better prepared now than I have ever been. And each day on this journey I become more equipped. I know that the struggles I have are nothing that isn’t common to all mankind. And if God would not spare His only Son from the trials of temptation, loneliness, stress, even the death of a loved one (Lazarus), I certainly don’t deserve special treatment. And I’m not saying that in the past twenty five days that my life has completely changed, but my outlook is changing.
One line that really resonated within me was: You’ll never know that God is all you need until God is all you’ve got. I’ve been there, more than once. I can recall the memories with ease. It is true that God is close to the brokenhearted, I know it firsthand. God was reaching out to me and I was still trying to do my own thing, manage my own life, and figure out money making schemes. Then I almost lost my house. As a father of three young kids in a single income household, you don’t get much more broken than that. Ask me what failure feels like; I felt it in my bones, it was like a second skin.
But through all that God had a plan. How do I know? Because I prayed, my wife prayed, my pastors and close church friends prayed. On my knees in a rented room in Maryland, I surrendered my house to God and trusted that if I lost the house, God would still provide for my family. And while I was trying to work with the bank, and get money from my 401k, and work a job that was 800 miles from my house, wife, and kids, He answered in a big way. I was praying for a piece of drift wood to keep me afloat; He sent me a raft. And I thanked Him over and over through tears of relief and joy. And a few weeks later, I thanked Him again by giving my testimony on stage at church so others could know through my suffering about a God who really does care.
God never promised that I wouldn’t have troubles; He promised that as long as I had faith, He would never abandon me to them. He has a plan for me to know Him and be like His Son in character. I can know a lot about Jesus, but until I experience what He went through, I can’t fully know Him.
Paul tells us in the Book of Romans:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.The question was: What problem in my life caused the greatest growth in me? I think I answered that already.
Rom 8:28(NIV)
Remember: There is a purpose behind every problem.
A few other lines that stuck with me:
It is during suffering that we learn to pray our most authentic, heartfelt, honest-to-God prayers.
Problems force us to look to God and depend on Him instead of ourselves.
God’s purpose is greater than our problems, our pain and even our sin.
He will use whatever it takes.
Your circumstances are temporary but your character will last forever.
Your focus determines your feelings.
God will never leave us on our own.
And perhaps my favorite line:
Don’t give up- grow up!
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